Change is Hard; I should Know

It took me a while to write this post because I had to be careful with what I'm writing about. More importantly, to whom am I referring to. I was afraid this would make the reader feel uncomfortable because, what if they would go "is she referring to me?" but I must warn you: should you begin to feel that way, you need not read the rest of this post.

But if you are, okay. So, here goes.

I questioned myself if I had improvement in gaining a bigger circle of friends. Honestly, I feel much comfortable with a friend or two, but being in this field, it's best to open up and make more friends. Because you would never know if those friends have connections to help you get to where you want to go.

When I was part of a group project, I thought I could expand my circle. I thought we got along well and hoped to be a part of their circle in the future. But, in the end, it was just a group project and nothing more. We clicked well, but that was as far as it could go.

There was one time when I was hanging out with a bigger group. I thought I was doing the right thing; I thought I was expanding my circle of friends. We went out to places, we witnessed a World Cup match together, and it was fun. Well, let's just label this Group B. But it seems that it was only short-lived and unfortunately at that time, I felt like I had neglected my friends that I used to hang out with.

When I have realized what I had done, I decided to stop mixing around with Group B. As much as it sounded fun staying out late at night, it did not feel right without my close friends. I had missed out on what was happening around them and I felt this heavy guilty feeling thinking, "God, what have I done? Have I been so blind?"

I looked back, thinking how many friends have I really made. I remembered that I had this ridiculous goal of making 10 new friends last semester. But I've only made three. So how could I be closer to the rest of the class when I feel like I am not worthy and that I always feel insecure?

I hope to see some changes in myself when the new semester comes. I've always been closing myself from others because I've been afraid of being easily influenced and I pray not to be a victim of fear again.

Also I hope to earn some money.

I hope you won't judge from this post because I feel that this is something I need to express and that I have not been the type who talks her thoughts out. Pardon me and thank you for understanding.