The Guilty Feeling

Why do I feel so guilty of not keeping my word to this friend of mine? I don't like being flooded with guilt; it makes my whole day gloomy because I let a friend down. This feeling is awful. I can't concentrate with my work, for this reason. Why do I care so much that I've let my down? Is it because I worry what he thinks of me now? Like I'm one of those friends who backs out at the last minute?

I feel so eager to prove to my friend that I'm not like that. It was so hard to write a message to tell that I can't make it because of my financial state. I've been postponing this thing that I'm supposed to go to for almost two weeks now. And when I told him that I'm definitely going, it was before I found out that I have to pay to go to this thing. And I've just spent on my art materials in the previous weekend.

From his point, it probably looks like I'm making up excuses not to go. I hope he understands from the simple message that I sent, but. If he doesn't, then, a face-to-face apology would have to do. If he couldn't forgive me... then there's nothing that I can do about it. If he judges me from this, so be it, because I feel like I deserve it.